Regret
by baozito3
Summary: Sometime after joining up with the Order of the Phoenix, Lily talks to James about the regret she feels for not forgiving Snape. One shot.


Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition round 10. Prompt: write about your team character's biggest mistake. (We chose Lily)

Enjoy!

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"I'm sorry." Severus looked down dejectedly at his feet.

Lily had no hesitation in her voice. "I'm not interested."

Severus looked up to her, his dark eyes pleading. "I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath," Lily responded coldly. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

Severus nodded. "I was! I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" Lily felt herself growing angrier by the minute. She took a breath and let out everything that had been bothering her for the last few years. How could Severus not see all the problems he was causing her? Lily tried. She really did, but it just didn't seem to work. Severus didn't seem to care about what she felt at all. He only did what was convenient for him.

Lily had enough. She couldn't take it anymore.

She gave her previous friend a glare and disappeared behind the portrait, the look of his sad eyes still etched in her memory.

* * *

Lily woke to the pounding rain. There had been a downpour overnight but now, it receded somewhat. She pulled off her covers and slipped on her slippers, running a hand through her hair.

It was that dream again. She seemed to be dreaming of the past a lot lately. Maybe joining the Aurors was making her a bit paranoid, now that the war was starting to pick up its pace. Lily found herself in battles many times with Death Eaters as they tried to infiltrate the Ministry or attack her comrades.

"Morning, Lily," James said as Lily walked into the kitchen. "Eat quick, 'cause we have an Order meeting," He handed her a platter of eggs and toast and she took it gratefully, giving him a small kiss.

James brushed her long hair back. "You look troubled," he said. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing…" Lily said, waving her hand nonchalantly. "It's just… I had bad dream, that was all." How could she talk about Severus to James? He wouldn't understand, would he?

"You sure?" James asked.

"I… I dreamed about Severus," Lily blurted out after a moment of confliction.

James arched an eyebrow. Before they got married, whenever Lily mentioned Severus, James would start badmouthing him without a second though. Afterwards however, this didn't seem to bother him as much. James also matured a lot after they joined the Order of the Phoenix as full-fledged Aurors.

"And… this is bothering you?" he asked.

"Yes, I…" Lily frowned. "You know that I didn't talk to Severus much after that… _incident_," she said, thinking back to the day her friend called her a Mudblood after she defended him from James. "I was so mad I didn't care back then, but now… I-I don't know, James."

Lily looked up helplessly and she told him what had been bothering her for the last few weeks. "I told Severus that we've chosen separate paths but what if that caused him to go down the wrong path? What if he became a Death Eater because of I deserted him? Oh, James…"

James led Lily to the table and they both sat down. He poured her a cup of water and set it by the table.

"Lily, Snape chose to become friends with Voldemort's followers," James said. "He himself practiced dark magic. You didn't cause him to do that."

"But… I was his friend. I could have prevented it."

"And you tried. You tried for years, but that idiot just refused to listen to you."

"I should've forgiven him," Lily whispered miserably. "Oh, why was I so stubborn?"

James rubbed her back soothingly. "Don't say that," he said. "Even if you did forgive him, that doesn't mean he won't call you disgusting things again. You've been nothing with him but patient, Lily." He drew her into a hug. "More patient that what that pig-headed dunce deserved."

Lily let out a small sigh. She knew James was just trying to cheer her up but she couldn't shake off the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. Lily sincerely hoped Severus was alright. The last time she's seen him, he had well been a Death Eater already, still hanging around those horrible dark magic practitioners. Lily knew in her heart that Severus was going over to Voldemort's side so she stopped trying to deny it. She could only hope that he was alright.

"James… what if we meet Severus again?" Lily asked cautiously.

"Meet him again?"

"What if… we meet him in a battle?"

"I would fight him, of course," James replied quietly. "So would Sirius, Remus and even Peter. I mean," he let out a small chuckle. "I don't think good old Snape will hesitate to kill me. I won't hesitate to strike him down, Lily."

James turned to look at her, a question floating in his eyes. "What about you?" he seemed to ask silently.

Lily closed her eyes for a fraction of a second. She remembered meeting Snape for the first time when she was showing Petunia how she could open and close a flower's petals. She remembered them sitting in the train together after Petunia made her cry. She remembered when she used to be best friends with the man who first opened her world to magic.

She remembered horrible day when he betrayed her and insulted her. She remembered her fury at him after that and promising herself to not forgive him this time. That feeling was gone now, replaced with nothing but regret.

"How did things get this bad?" Lily thought. They used to be best friends but were now fighting on opposite sides in a horrible war. Why had things come to this?

Lily sighed and looked to James, James whom she had hated all those years ago.

"I will fight him, too if it comes to it," Lily finally said. "I won't let Severus hurt you, or anyone."

James let out his breath, looking almost relieved. "Alright," he said. "I trust you will. You can't feel sorry for him now, Lily. The situation's beyond that now."

"I know," Lily said. "But, if Severus has a change of heart and decides to join our side, I will support that."

James let out a small laugh. "I don't think he'll have a change of heart."

"Probably not, but there's always a chance."

"Well, sure." James stood up and walked over to the sink. He started washing the dishes. "You better hurry with your food. The meeting's going to start without us."

"Yes, yes." Lily let out a small smile and quickly ate.

She couldn't quite shake off the feeling. Lily knew Severus wouldn't change sides so easily so why did she feel this way? It was absolutely ridiculous but she felt that Severus would be joining them soon. And when he did, she would finally be able to forgive him.

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Thanks for reading! Review please!


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